


Secrets and Lies

by EarthCallingAlice



Series: Catching the Sunrise Series [29]
Category: X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Bisexual Male Character, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Open Relationships, Slash, Strained Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:11:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3616227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthCallingAlice/pseuds/EarthCallingAlice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Logan, the greatest truth is in the lies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets and Lies

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based off the events in both X-Force and Uncanny X-Men. X-force was being kept secret from some members of the X-Men who would not agree with X-forces tactics, since X-force is basically a black ops team started by Scott to deal with the enemy more aggressively and that includes killing proactively. Which wouldn't sit well with those still true to the dream. Wolverine is a part of X-force and Kurt is not and I wanted to explore this in my slash universe. 
> 
> Originally published on April 7th, 2009 
> 
> Logan and Kurt belong to Marvel/Disney!

^^^

Just as Logan enters the X-Men’s new headquarters in San Francisco he notes again how much he will have to get used to the cold uncharacteristic metal of their new facility as opposed to the old deep mahogany wood of the mansion that used to serve as his old home. He missed it, he really did. Maybe the new HQ reminds him a little too much of Weapon X, cages, wars old and new and his claws… his damn claws, and perversely realizes it always ends up this way no matter how he tries to escape it - in a cage, a killing machine, a drone for whatever cause that decided it would be playing for keeps at the time. But, who was Logan now, to get all high and mighty? He himself has always said _“You gotta do what you gotta do even if that means killing.”_

But did they have too? Like this? He had come to terms with the severity of his own tactics when he convinced himself that it was defensive. That was the moral code he had held himself to for so long now. But at times Logan wasn't so sure it was. Sometimes it seemed like revenge even though he knew these bastards didn't give a damn about slaughtering mutants - even children. He had seen the worst of them and what they could do up close. He was also surprised at what Cyclops was willing to sacrifice for his plans - The X-Men and the trust of his own love. Emma was not aware of Scott's agenda, but she was suspecting something, he could tell, and Scott could too. Scott had hid it from most but a small group of X-Men, including Kurt. Speaking of suspicions, he had caught Kurt giving him several of his pleading looks. Those looks that said, "Talk to me, please. You can trust me." That was a burden that he and Cyke had in common and he resented it. It better be worth it. 

The X-Men was originally built on Xavier’s principles and the golden rule: _“The X-Men do not kill!”_ funny in a twisted way, that that voice was Scott Summers long ago, who is now the one that is turning Xavier’s dream upside down. But since Scott and he himself started to take on a take no prisoners attitude that’s exactly what happened. He liked that the X-Men stood for something better; it spoke to something better in him. But he still isn’t saying no to it. Maybe going back to his old ways is easier as it has become harder and harder to control the animal from within. No, that’s not it, the reason is in that room several doors down. "I’m protecting him, all of them, I’m not lettin’ it happen again." He had affirmed to himself. He can hear Kurt’s pained scream echoing in his ears and his breath starts to quicken. 

Logan enters into an unoccupied sleeping quarters to use the shower, not wanting Kurt to catch the blood and grim appearance plastered on himself. He gets into the shower and turns on the overhead and lets the warm spray wash away the blood and filth from his skin, and only his skin Logan thinks bitterly. The only thing that can fix what's inside to any sort of manageable level is down the hall, with his strange beauty and unreal compassion, more patient saint than demon. “Fix.” Kurt has done a lot of work on Logan, not out of some arrogant need to fix something that was wrong like others in his past. Not long after they became X-Men and became fast friends, and especially fast friends for Logan – Kurt sensed the man trying to break out of the animals body occasionally making his voice heard, and bless Kurt, he was one of the few to hear without having to be beaten over the head with it. He just understood in that casual way that he does but not so casual to Logan, it was a rare thing. That’s when he realized he wanted to be around him as much as possible. Practicing in the Danger Room, on the school grounds or getting a beer at “Harry’s” and later “The Box." The only one, except Mariko, that could **see** him. At the thought of Mariko he grabbed more soap and began to scrub again. When he finishes he leans in for a rinse and for a little while rests his head under the shower spray feeling the hard tile against his head. He finally shuts off the spray and the faucet and steps out of the tub and proceeds to dry himself off before wrapping himself in a thick towel. Logan briefly glances at his reflection in the long mirror on the door, letting out a chiding, slight, snarl before he steps out into the hallway.

Secrets. His life has always been about secrets until Kurt came along. Then secrets came back with a vengeance, and are now threatening to tear that untouchable friendship apart. It was nice while it lasted. He wonders now what that secret is costing him. Is Kurt lying in bed right now wondering where Logan is? Hoping he isn’t getting into any trouble but thinking about _“The good man I know you to be, Logan.”_ as he was off gutting, tearing, ripping and slicing purifier after purifier and not long ago Kurt’s mother. Kurt suspects about Mystique but not nearly enough. He couldn’t think that Logan would kill his mother. God he loved him.

Love. He thinks about the nonsense with Domino and tries to defend that Kurt and him have an open relationship, so if Kurt decided to go off poaching somewhere else it wouldn’t bother him. It wouldn’t. Really. As he steps into the doorway of their quarters he looks over to Kurt on the bed sleeping and looking amazingly serene, he calls himself for a liar. The moonlight filters through the room splashing onto Kurt’s deep blue velvety skin singing its praises to each strand on Kurt’s body causing them to spark. Kurt shifts slightly as he senses Logan’s presence. Years of fighting and growing up too soon has done that to him because Logan barely made a sound. He’s very good at being quiet. 

It’s not until Logan gets into their bed that Kurt fully wakes, eyes opening, two bright yellow saucers blinking twice before settling on him. 

“Ah, there you are. Where have you been, Logan?” Kurt smiled, but he could tell he was worried.

“At the pub, needed to be alone.” He said too quickly and cursed himself. 

Kurt frowned. “Hmmm…. A likely story.”

Logan huffed, his smoke-cracked voice making it sound harsher than he meant to. “Kurt, Please. Let's not get into this right now. If you can’t trust me-”

“I trust you, Logan.”

Logan didn’t know whether to feel happy in that moment or like the smallest piece of pond scum.

“You just don’t trust me, nein? Or think very little of me. To not be able to tell me this thing, whatever it is. But I can see it all over you and it is wearing you down... What soap did you use this time? It smells different." Kurt looked at Logan with a half smile. He proceeded, “After all this time of wondering what this thing is between us, between the denials and the flirting and the sex and the maybes I finally realize that is what we are." 

Kurt had looked to the side for a moment, staring out the window, wistfully, as if he remembered something pleasant but the joy faded and his expression changed to one of loss. "I can be your “fuck buddy” Logan, but the buddy part no longer seems to be there. The friend in there is gone and there is only fucking in the end. Are you ready to move on again? If that’s it then tell me. I’ll understand. I know this part of you.”

Kurt was still looking to the side as if afraid to see Logan's eyes. Was he afraid of Logan's answer? Logan cursed Scott Summers for what seemed like the millionth time. 

How, Logan thinks, he can jeopardize something this good and sacred he’ll never know. But that thought still doesn’t cause him to confess everything right then and there. Logan pulls Kurt to him almost roughly in his desperation and now Kurt is really worried. Logan slides his hands up and down Kurt’s shoulder blades and buries his face in Kurt’s neck, savoring the softness of Kurt's unique skin and breathing in the scent he’s missed so much of his friend/lover/teammate/confessor. “No way, I’m not moving on. I couldn’t do that. I may have been able to do that in the past, but not anymore and most especially not with you. Being away from you today almost drove me crazy. I need you too much.”

Kurt sighed and said, “Need... But do you still want this?”

Logan pushed Kurt back and looked deeply into his friends fiery eyes, beams into his soul as ever they were, probing, suspecting, challenging but not passing judgment, just waiting for him to speak. Oh how he wants to speak and they would grant his wish as they have done in the past, the love and acceptance. Wouldn’t they? Logan was not so sure this time. Logan swallowed, feeling caught.

“What I want is this.” Logan puts each calloused hand on the side of Kurt’s face and brings Kurt’s mouth to his own. The kiss starts out slow but soon grows in intensity with Logan snarling and biting and pulling at Kurt’s bottom lip with his teeth. Kurt stiffens slightly then relaxes a little as Logan slips his tongue inside giving his mouth a thorough exploration. Soon, Kurt responds with just as much hunger and need. When they finally part they are both breathless. Logan pushes Kurt down onto the bed and pulls off the sheet covering him with a flourish. 

Kurt lays there studying Logan with those eyes, those eyes that are now causing Logan to quiver. The older mutant could hear Kurt's pulse and smell his desire, a desire that was edged with conflict. Logan reaches over to the nightstand for the lube, snaps the cap open quickly and slicks himself up. Logan hovers over Kurt with passion. Kurt is unnerved but knows this is something Logan really needs and what he himself really wants. Kurt decided that if he ever had a weakness, it was Logan. Logan looked at Kurt again, asking. Kurt sighed. "It has been too long, Lieber." 

Logan closes his eyes letting out a deep breath, grateful, and settles between Kurt’s spread legs and enters him quickly-roughly and Kurt cries out sharply tossing his head back followed by his arms now gripping the bed posts to keep himself from flying off the bed with each intense thrust. There is a half groan/ half growl that he’s only every heard from Logan emanating from his chest each time he pushes into Kurt’s body. Kurt is uncomfortable at first but gives over to his mounting pleasure, a part of himself cursing his lack of control. Kurt starts to moan wantonly tossing his head back and forth almost feverishly, meeting Logan thrust for thrust. Kurt’s tale wraps itself around Logan’s thigh pulling him in deeper, almost afraid of losing this blissful union knowing what waits at the end – a cold harsh reality. The growling in Kurt’s ear becomes more intense, broken sentences of want, need and please understand, and he knows what Logan is doing now. He’s using his body to show Kurt what he couldn’t say with words and in a melancholy way he thinks at least it’s something.

Kurt finally comes thick and hard with every muscle tensing before relaxing and lying motionless on the bed while staring at the ceiling in a haze. Logan is still thrusting inside him several more times before he finally comes with a howl just before his arms give out and he collapses on top of Kurt panting heavily. Kurt’s still staring at the ceiling, gulping back such a black emotion a little whimper comes from his lips.

“Kurt?” Logan asks, worry in his voice.

“Yes, Logan?”

“You do know that there is nobody that can replace you in my life don’t you? I’m never gonna let you go.”

“Yes, I know.” Not in body perhaps, Kurt thinks.

Though Logan thinks that Kurt might leave him if the awful truth is ever discovered. It will be a frightening day when Logan can no longer have Kurt to help make his way through the deep darkness in his life. That will always be the ultimate truth, the one that matters to Logan. Through the lies he’ll be sure of one thing, he’ll always love Kurt Wagner. Logan reaches for Kurt and holds him tightly and Kurt lets out a long-suffering sigh and holds Logan in return. 

As Logan drifts off to sleep Kurt recalls the saying, “You hurt the ones you love,” and thinks with a pang how apt it is.

^^^


End file.
